I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
