Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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