haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
