and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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