If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
