Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
