I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
