Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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