i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
