i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize