I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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