i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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