come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
this will be a night to untag.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
