i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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