I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
