oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
