just tell him i said nine months
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
