happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
