She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
