Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize