There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
