i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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