You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize