I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
