Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
