I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
