yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
