That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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