K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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