you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
