i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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