if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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