I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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