Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
