i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
