We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
