guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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