sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
