I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
