His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
