Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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