she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
