I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize