i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
