lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
