and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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