Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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