I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
