I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
