I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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