sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
