you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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