I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
