i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize