Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
