so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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