Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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