Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
