I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can text with my tongue
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
