i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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