So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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