Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
