So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
