My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
