Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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