Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
