I met the friendliest cop last night
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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