i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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