Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
