when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
