I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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