It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
